


Clueless

by IvanW



Series: Stand-Alone Stories [65]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Clueless Jim, Clueless Spock, Eavesdropping, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, One Shot, Romance, Smart Nyota Uhura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 08:36:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20793761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: "Private" Conversations in the Corridor





	Clueless

“Do not be ridiculous, Nyota. I am most certainly not in love with the captain.”

Nyota smirked at Spock. “No?”

“Of course not. He is my friend and superior officer and that is it.”

They had been approaching her quarters when she had made the suggestion that he viewed their captain with a lot more than just friendly affection. They stepped inside, Spock glad they were no longer in the corridor where anyone could hear them.

“You two are practically joined at the hip. He can’t stop touching you and you let him. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Spock paused as he took a seat on the sofa in her room. “Does that bother you?”

“No.” She went to her wardrobe. “I mean sure it did a little when we were still together, but honestly, that was part of why I ended our romantic relationship.” She unzipped her dress.

“You did not tell me this.”

“Spock, at the time I was dealing with the end of our love. Well, that kind of love. If you couldn’t figure out it was Kirk you loved, why should I tell you?” Nyota slipped out of her uniform dress and pulled on a robe, which she tied at the waist. “But now it’s been months, Spock, and you still haven’t faced the truth.”

Spock thought about his interactions with the captain. He did look upon Jim with a great deal of affection, but surely it was just as a…a friend.

“Do you remember how jealous you got at that bar on Fenrah 2? You actually put yourself between Kirk and that woman.”

“Her intentions were questionable in nature and as first officer—”

“She just wanted to fuck him, Spock.”

“It was my duty to protect him from harm.”

“Honey, you are a very logical being. Think about it. Think deep. Your wanting to protect him from paramours has nothing to do with your duty. You want him for yourself and you hate the idea of anyone else with him.”

Spock opened his mouth, closed it. Was it true? His counterpart had implied he was close with his captain, but he had never said…of course he was quite tight-lipped. And Spock had been with Nyota. There had been no reason to believe their timeline would necessarily mirror the ambassador’s.

“You’re always defending him to others, too. And Spock, you aren’t at all comfortable with anyone else touching you except him.” She sat beside him and smiled. “And me, of course. But I’m your former lover and he’s the one you want now. It makes sense.”

Spock swallowed heavily. “How do I…but he does not…”

Nyota laughed. “Oh yes he does. Trust me. He’s _crazy_ about you.”

“I do not know how to have that conversation.”

“You’ll find a way, Spock.”

****

After he left Nyota’s quarters, Spock went to their captain’s, but there had been no answer. Spock felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. He was not certain he was at all prepared to acknowledge the possibility that Nyota’s speculation might be correct. But he also found those occasions when he spent time with the captain to be preferable to making do with merely himself.

He had not made any specific plans to see Jim, however, anticipating spending his evening with Nyota, so he had no right to feel that Jim should have been there to see Spock.

The next morning, Spock stopped by the captain’s quarters as was his usual practice on the way to the mess for breakfast. There was no response to his attempt to rouse his captain.

With a slight frown, Spock stepped over to the computer on the wall. “Computer, locate Captain James Kirk.”

“Captain Kirk is in the mess room, Deck 7.”

Spock knew that he was not late, but knowing Jim’s sleep patterns were often not ideal, he made his way to Deck 7 and the mess.

There he found Jim sitting in a corner at a table reserved for only two, which was not at all his usual practice. But as Spock approached, Jim’s gaze flicked up to Spock’s face and it gave Spock no little pause. 

There was absolute blankness there. Not sorrow, not anger, not happiness. No emotion at all. Which was also unlike Jim. 

Still, Spock was used to both having breakfast with Jim and his mood swings, so he made to take the seat opposite Jim.

“Good morning, Captain.”

He expected Jim’s usual banter or perhaps a reminder to call him Jim, but instead he got a curt, “Commander.”

Spock’s uneasiness grew, but he quelled it for the moment. “I was surprised you had already left for breakfast.”

“Were you?”

“You generally wait for me.”

The captain nodded. “Didn’t feel the need. And I’m done, actually, so if you’ll excuse me…”

His gaze swept over Jim’s mostly untouched food. Jim never left food. Not long after their fight with Krall, while still on Yorktown, Jim had confessed to Spock one night over chess that he’d been on Tarsus and wasting food was anathema to him. 

“Jim…”

But the captain was standing and pushing back his chair. “I’ll see you the bridge, Mister Spock.”

Spock nodded, tamping down his unease once more. “Chess to—”

“No.”

“You are busy?”

“No. I just don’t want to. Bridge, Mister Spock.”

And then Jim was gone and Spock was left staring at his uneaten food.

****

“Could we cut out the bridge chatter?”

Spock straightened away from Nyota who had motioned him over to her station so that she could ask him what was wrong. He exchanged a look with her before stepping away.

“My apologies, Captain,” Spock said coolly, returning to his science station.

Jim waved that away. “Wasn’t just you.”

Sulu and Chekov rather pointedly stared straight ahead.

“Mr. Chekov, you’re part of the landing party. Lieutenant Uhura, please have Doctor McCoy, Mr. Hendorff, and Mr. Scott meet us at the transporter room.” Jim rose from his chair and headed for the turbolift, followed by Chekov. “You have the command, Spock.”

“Captain.”

He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Yeah?”

“During our prior meetings regarding this mission, it was concluded that I would be an asset on the landing party.”

“I’ve decided to have Chekov in your place. He could use the science experience.” Jim turned then to gaze at Spock, expression schooled and blank. “Is that a problem, Mister Spock?”

“No, Captain.”

Jim nodded and entered the turbolift as did Chekov and the doors closed.

Nyota approached him. “What was that?”

Spock exhaled. “I do not know.”

Much later after the landing party returned, Spock went to the medbay. Surprisingly, it was not Jim who had been injured, but Chekov and Hendorff. But Jim stood by the biobed next to the ensign while McCoy examined him.

“Reporting, Captain. The situation is stable.”

“Good,” the captain replied. “You okay, Chekov?”

“Yes, sir.”

Without even looking in Spock’s direction, Jim went over to the biobed with Hendorff. Nurse Chapel was with him. Spock followed.

“Good work down there, Lieutenant.”

“Glad to be of service, Captain.”

“Extra service today.”

“Oh?” Spock asked politely. 

Hendorff shrugged. “Nothing, Commander. They were just going to take the captain hostage and I prevented it.”

“And got injured in the process,” Jim added. “I’ll put an accommodation in your file. How is he?” He directed this at Chapel.

“He’ll be fine. Few days of rest, he’ll be good as new.”

Jim smiled and nodded, turning away and heading for the exit.

Spock followed.

Jim stopped just outside the medbay doors turning, toward him. “I’m off duty so I’m headed for my quarters.”

“You definitely could use some rest.”

“Yeah. Why aren’t you on the bridge?”

“Mr. Sulu is in charge at the moment, but I’m on my way there. Chess later?”

The captain didn’t respond at first and Spock got the oddest feeling he was counting to ten in his head. But then he very slowly let out a breath.

“Okay. Sure. Why not? Twenty-one hundred. My quarters.”

“I will be there.”

Jim started to turn away, but then stopped. “You know what? Scratch that. How about the rec room instead?”

“The…rec room?” They had not played chess there in months. Jim preferred relaxing in his quarters and frankly, so did Spock.

“Yeah. We should socialize more with the crew, I think. Put in an appearance of a united front. That kind of thing.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

Jim offered him a smile but it was brittle and Spock knew with absolute certainty he had failed some kind of Kirk test.

****

When Spock arrived at the Rec Room, early, he quickly noted that the captain was already there, again not his usual practice, and he was seated at a table for four with McCoy, Scott, and Keenser. They were playing some sort of card game.

Spock approached. “Captain?”

“Oh hi, Spock. Got involved in this game here with the guys. I meant to message you to tell you no chess game after all.” Jim smiled. “Sorry. Another time?”

He could not help it, he felt himself stiffen, even as the other three occupants of the table stared up at him. Spock could not have said why, but he was convinced that Jim had started the game himself with the other three deliberately to get out of the game with Spock.

“Very well, Captain. If you will excuse me.”

And as Spock walked away, he heard McCoy whispering to their captain.

After that, Spock decided there was a reason Jim would not agree to spend time with him, and whatever it was, Jim would tell him when he felt like it. In the meantime, Spock would cease to bother him with invitations to play chess or other time together.

A week went by before, Nyota pulled him aside into the turbolift.

“Spock, what’s going on with you?”

“To what do you refer?”

“You’ve been ignoring the captain for days. Barely speaking to him. Everyone’s noticed.”

Spock frowned slightly, “Has the captain noticed?”

Nyota gave him an incredulous look. “Of course he has. Haven’t _you_ noticed the looks he’s been shooting you? Spock, if this is the way you intend to woo Jim, I’m afraid you’re going to fail.”

“I am not attempting to woo him.”

“Why not?”

“Because he has given no indication that he returns my affections. And in fact…”

“No indication?” She slapped the wall of the turbolift. “I give up. You two are too much for _anyone_.”

The doors to the turbolift opened and Nyota hurried out, leaving Spock standing there by himself.

****

Spock had barely been in his quarter but a few minutes when someone buzzed for access. Spock couldn’t have said why, but he suspected it was Jim.

“Come.”

“Hi Spock. Got a moment?”

Spock found himself dreading whatever Jim would say. But he could hardly deny his captain. “Yes, of course.”

Jim nodded. He looked uncomfortable and his gaze landed everywhere except on Spock. “Listen, I owe you an apology.”

Of all the things Spock had expected the captain to say, that hadn’t been one of them. He was at a loss to respond or even know if he ought to, so he waited for Jim to continue.

“I’ve been…behaving inappropriately. Giving you mixed signals. And I’m aware of it, but I haven’t been able to reconcile thoughts in my head until now. None of this is your fault, Spock. It’s all on me.”

When he paused for a long time, Spock felt prodded to respond in some way.

“What is?”

Jim shook his head. He’d wrapped his arms around himself in body language Spock recognized as defensive.

“I’ve had these feelings that I struggled with. I’ve found myself interested in you in ways far beyond friendship or camaraderie. And for much of that time, you’d be with Uhura and so I had forced myself to dismiss all of it. When you two broke up, I started to hope…” He shook his head again and turned entirely away from Spock. “I hoped that maybe, there might, someday, be some kind of reciprocation on your end. I convinced myself you’d been flirting with me. Vulcan flirting, but still. And that had me thinking that I’d been right to think there was a chance for us.”

He paused again, seeming to shrink unto himself and Spock reached toward him even as Jim spoke.

“But now I know I was kidding myself and all you’ll ever feel for me is friendship and that camaraderie. And finding that out…well…it hurt for a while.”

Spock blinked. “When did I…?”

“I heard you in the corridor with Uhura one night. I think my mom once told me that if you eavesdrop you’re bound to hear something you wished you hadn’t and she sure was right about that.”

“But…”

“I know I had no right to feel hurt. You didn’t owe me your affections or anything. But I took it badly. I drank myself into a stupor with Bones that night. And after, in order to protect both of us, or I thought so anyway, I pulled back from you even as a friend. That was wrong and I can see it negatively affected not only our working relationship but that of the crew.” Jim inhaled and exhaled. “So, basically, I’m sorry. I’ve made a big effort to get past it all and I think I have, so, from now on—”

“_No_.”

Jim turned around so fast to stare at Spock he almost lost his balance. His arms had dropped down from being crossed in front of his chest.

“Excuse me?”

“What if I do not desire you to _get past it_?”

“Huh?”

Spock let out a heavy, frustrated sigh, the likes of which were unheard from him, he knew, and very human, but at the moment he didn’t care. He was not good with words. Not emotional ones anyway. And if he’d needed proof, the fact that he had nearly destroyed what would absolutely matter to him most going forward, with carelessly spoken words he knew not to be true when he said it, should tell him that words were not needed just then.

Instead he took the few steps left to reach Jim and took hold of Jim’s arms, gently in his grasp. Those blue blue eyes widened as Spock leaned in and kissed him.

At first Jim’s lips didn’t move, didn’t accept the kiss Spock gave him and Spock had a momentary regret, fearing he’d gotten this all wrong after all despite Jim’s words.

But then, as Spock was about to pull away, he heard the barest gasp of breath from his captain just as his stiff, unyielding lips softened under his, opened for Spock, and allowed Spock to conquer fully. Jim’s hands fisted in Spock’s uniform shirt as he sagged against him, accepting the intrusion of Spock’s tongue eagerly.

Spock wasn’t sure how long they kissed. It felt like seconds, too short, but might have been years for all that he was aware of anything but Jim.

And there would be things, surely, that they would need to talk about, together, their past, their present, and definitely their future, but for now their lips, their arms wrapped around each other as Spock moved them toward his bed, their very bodies, that was all the conversation they needed now.

As he flung Jim onto the bed, his captain bouncing slightly upon impact, Spock flung himself onto Jim, his lips seeking purchase against Jim’s, his mouth wanting to return to the ultimate purpose of claiming this human as his…forever.

But Jim, predictably, had to have more than mere action. He paused to seek out Spock’s gaze, a question in his eyes.

“Spock, yeah?”

He nodded. “I do not have the words.”

Those sensuous lips, so addicting, curved into the slightest of smiles that somehow seemed more genuine than any smile he had yet given to Spock. There was a light within the blue eyes Spock had not seen.

“I do,” said Jim, softly. “I love you.”

Three standard words that had seemed trite and meaningless before. So many said them without ever meaning it.

Yet Spock felt them all the way to his Katra and beyond. Perhaps he had the words after all.

“And I love you.” 


End file.
